American Santa

Americans have always loved dressing up as Santa Claus (“I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus”) but this week I read three stories about American Santa’s that made me laugh, and cry, because they were so typical of my fellow citizens.  I call them Racist Santa, Nosy Santa and Drunk Santa.

Racist Santa is actually racist Fox News.  In a much-mocked segment star host Megyn Kelly insisted that Santa Claus is a white man, always has been and any other Santa’s are out of the question.  She also assured any kid viewers (it was the 10 pm news) that Santa is also real.  (She also went on to assert that Jesus was white – “You just can’t deny it!”)  She was criticizing a Slate magazine piece about what it’s like to grow up African American and see an occasional black Santa, but noticing that all the white Santa’s in stores and on TV are obviously the cultural norm.  The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart, among many other mockers, pointed out that the historical figure St. Nicholas, a Turkish bishop, was certainly dark skinned: today, Stewart said, he wouldn’t be found flying on to your rooftop, he’d be stuck on a “no-fly” list at the security gate.

Speaking of Santa and security against terrorism, the American Civil Liberties Union put out a funny video to raise money for their legal challenges to the National Security Agency’s widespread snooping on American and international citizens.  It features NSA agents in Santa costumes and sunglasses spying on happy innocent shoppers.  The soundtrack sings “You’d better watch out, you’d better not Skype, you’d better log out, you’d better not type, NSA is coming to town.  They’re making a list, checking it twice, they’re watching almost every electronic device.”

And cities around the country (and the world) braced this week for Santa Con, the yearly flash mob cum pub crawl where mostly young men dressed up as Santa take to the streets to party hearty. Last year a crowd of over 30,000 Santa wannabes took over New York’s East Village for an afternoon and into the night, and reportedly were rude and drunk and decidedly unjolly by the end of the night.  What began 20 years ago as an urban adventure and a way to critique commercialism has become an urban nuisance, what an op-ed writer in the New York Times calls a Santa Siege.   “When I see packs of drunken Santa’s, I usually ditch my plans and run home. My neighborhood last year was under Santa Siege. Drunken Santa’s make being a parent who is trying to keep a small childhood innocence alive so much harder.”

San Francisco Santa ConSan Francisco Santa Com, where the tradition began 20 years ago, warns participants to behave themselves.  In a post called “The Lowdown on the Ho Down” organizers ask that folks bring a toy for the Firefighters Toys for Tots drive, and then list 75 bars that are welcoming participants this weekend and donating a portion of profits to the toy collection. 

But they caution:

While SOME naughty is nice, don't be an asshole! No vandalism, violence, theft or other criminal behavior...Santacon is about spreading joy, not needing bail. Santa's Little Douchebag Contingent is NOT welcome at our reindeer games. Santa's look out for ach other...naughty of the NOT nice variety is not tolerated! If you find yourself in conflict with a drunken belligerent Santa, walk away. Just let it go.

Be AWESOME to bar staff! Pay with cash...it gets chaotic when Santa comes to town. Tip well...Santa wants to be welcome in years to come. Bring ID...Santa is of legal drinking age.

Be SAFE & PREPARED! Don't be that Santa that gets so jolly that you need babysitting! Buddy up...we're still a city! Dress for the occasion & weather...costume + comfy shoes + layers = Happy Santa. Expect to walk...a lot. Take public transportation...Muni/BART/cabs are your friend! Don't drink and drive! Remember to eat something! Take a break and grab some food while you're out. Take care of yourself. Don't block the street in busy areas of the city! Stay on the freakin sidewalk! Leave no trace...put trash/recycle into cans and clean up after your reindeer! There are Santacon blacklashes in many cities. Let's show everyone Bay Area Santa knows how to do it right.

From all of us here at Blowin in the Wind (that would be me) may you all make it through Christmas with a spirit of peace on earth and good well to all. I hope Santa's of all colors visit your home with Christmas cheer and no snooping. You might want to leave Santa some coffee as well as cookies beside the hearth.

Copyright © 2013 Deborah Streeter.